I dreamt I went to Edendale again.
Rather than drag up one of my older threads which has slipped onto page three in this forum, I thought I better start a new thread. So here is another in the Edendale saga...Yet more revisions with...
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David...it's a typo...sorry. But I did mean 'dreamt' because that's how I was taught to spell it at school. My teachers were very old. So let's blam them. RegardsMaryPS: For you I will change it to...
View ArticleRe: I dreamt I went to Edendale again.
Mary,Sorry to clutter your thread with such unpleasantness, but this "Patrick" guy is like the bee that chases you around the park. He just can't seem to recognize when he's not wanted...
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Quin,Sorry to be the one to mention that you contradicted your own edict against inversions. I will help no more. Sincerely,Pat
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"Patrick,"Do you actually have anything to say about Mary's poem, or are you merely obsessed with your little vendetta with me (which I did not invite)? Will you kindly turn your attention to the poem...
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Thanks Quincy. I see what you mean about the reversed sintax, I dont think that's as much a problem in it self, but I do think the line sounds odd now that I can stand back from it. What I was after...
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Hi Mary,I like this, it has a lovely Victorian feel to it. I do wonder though if you are 'going around the houses' in places to say simple things in a needlessly complicated way.For example:as smoke...
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Thanks Alan...I've just been working on this this very minute while you were commenting. CheersMary
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This is lovely. My only beef is with the couplet -- it could be stronger. It's a radio alarm, so why not have music?I know this example is bad, but I'd suggest picking out a song, since it's a radio...
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Hi MaryThis is coming along very nicely indeed. I dont have a problem with dreamt, it alters the sound of the line, of course, but if you prefer it, I dont think anyone is objecting to it being...
View ArticleRe: I dreamt I went to Edendale again.
Stephen:I love the suggestion for the couplet. Thanks!Paddy:Gosh you HAVE given me much to tink about. Thanks for your time. I'm glad you have at last found some space to settle down. Post Office...
View ArticleRe: I dreamt I went to Edendale again.
The only niggling issue is the repeated use of the pronoun "I". I realise that it's a poem based around dream-like images and probably should be expressed in the first-person, but I wonder if there...
View ArticleRe: I dreamt I went to Edendale again.
MaryI like the Victorian tone and don't feel that you've put it OTT as many writers of the genre tend to do.Your revisions have advanced it from good to very good. I too, would like to see you reduce...
View ArticleRe: I dreamt I went to Edendale again.
Yolhansen:Thank you for stopping by and your comments. It's always a problem when writing in the first person, especially when is is more narative than most sonnets.I'm not sure how to go about...
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Mary...Just wanted to stop by and say how much I've enjoyed following your revisions of this intriguing sonnet.I liked it from the start, but each version has improved it and I think the latest is the...
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Sue, that's very kind of you thanks! RegardsMary
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Mary, Mary, quite contrary, how do your bare feet grow? I love this indeed. and yes, publishing will cost you but not a whole lot. The cost is similar to a reading fee and is paid to the judges. I...
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Thanks for the info Paddy, will write later today. Now. with regards this sonnet, in L4 I am reading this...then turned to see the Squire on the track.then turned to see the Squire on the track.Is...
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Ahhh, now that makes sense. No, squire is one syllable. It's a diphthong or triphthong so I can understand why you think it is two syllables. Similar to fire and I can now hear your pronunciation. For...
View ArticleRe: I dreamt I went to Edendale again.
"Squire" is one of those convenient words that can be pronounced with one or two syllables, according to the context and the writer's requirement.Best regards,David
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